spoken #1

I have spent, far too long

Not knowing where I stand,

Often found my graceless bones

falling through the cracks.

Home is where one is the safest they’ve ever felt

Is it not?

I think I have found mine on the big screen.

Here,

Inside 2 hours of dialogues that have been written, rehearsed and repeated

Inside 2 hours of scenes that have been

Filmed, edited and re-edited.

After which, I will fade into the

Green gleaming glow of the exit sign

I think I have found home in all

That is foreseen.

Before you ask me why I re-watch films I love,

Don’t.

Before you ask me why I re-read books I have highlighted parts of,

Don’t.

Before you ask me why I only listen to music on my playlist (made 6 years ago, by the way!)

Don’t.

I may not know what to say.

The truth, that I never want reaching you is that

I am a coward.

A mere fraidy cat.

A faint heart.

(But not a quitter)

I stumble into walls and

I have constant bruises on my arms from bumping into furniture

I trip over the very floor

Ask my stubbed toe,

Even he’ll tell you,

I’m not afraid of falling unless there’s no ground beneath me.

I am accident prone, in the safest rooms

And love is a landslide;

Even the skilled tend to spill rather than

Glide;

And I, a mere apprentice cannot

Risk the splatter of the same heart that rests on my sleeve.

So before you ask this faint heart,

About the worn-out books

The scratched DVDs

And the same songs in every playlist

Let me bring you to a record-scratching stop—

I have found home here,

For there isn’t any room for anything erratic.

Every “I love you” is delivered on cue.

Every note held to the end

Every phrase is rephrased.

I cannot handle the inevitable

For

I am the most closeted optimist.

I can spend hours in love stories

That aren’t mine.

I sing of love,

Before it exists.

I console myself, with wishful thinking.

(With heavy drinking)

Sometimes by sulking.

I am a silly star struck swooning

Simpleton.

A rabid radiant radical resilient

Romantic.

Do you do it too?

Do you also spend hours in love stories that aren’t yours?

Do you also sing of love

Before it exists?

If you do,

If you are too,

A pretentious pessimist

an idealistic realist

Accident prone, in the safest rooms

Then you know

How it's far safer to fall in love from the distance of your television screen

To look for love only through the rose coloured lens of books

Than in landslide lovers.